The World Could Do With More Fathering

Writer

The World Could Do With More Fathering

by Anarkalli Aakarssha

It’s 7am and I’m late for a meeting and stuck in the worst traffic jam ever. I look over at the vehicle next to me, it’s a school van filled with the most adorable children and that’s just when my mind began to wander back to my childhood.My parents always dropped me and picked me up from school. I never used any other mode of transport.

Those moments in the car on my way to school with my dad was the most valuable time I spent with him. When I was a little child I used to jump into the vehicle and dad would land the dictionary on my lap and say right study the spellings of five words and then let me test you on your spellings. So each day, I would learn the meanings and spellings of big words. Showing my dad that I too can spell and understand the meaning of words in the dictionary made me feel like I was ahead of everyone else.

It made me feel and want to have a good knowledge in English, of life, technology and made me want to have a huge personality.“Drives to school with you dad, made me ready to be tested at school, when you came to pick me up at school and ask me about my day it made me feel important, when you took me to grab a pizza if I got good grades I felt like I was a champion, movie rentals, radio channel surfing, my love for buttercake, ribboncake, sport and tips on how to become cool all came from you”. Dad’s too can influence and coach children to be bigger than what they are by just caring a little bit more than usual.

Fathers of the world. Happy Father’s Day. It’s time for fathers to rise and realise their role in parenting. Yes, it’s true its hard to compete with the mother of your children but whose asking you to compete? You can be on par with the mother of your children by, sharing first place why must you settle for second place in your child’s life.

This is what baffles me, in a man’s world, a man will never settle for second place but when it comes to their children’s world that’s acceptable? To father, means to procreate, but to be a father means you have to sacrifice your time and love for thyself and invest that love to your creation that being your child. The world could do with more fathers who walk the talk.

Do men realise the power in being a father? Here are the names of great fathers in the world who are proud of their fatherhood, President Mahinda Rajapaksa, President Barrack Obama, Richard Williams father of Serana and Venus Williams and Vijaya Kumaratunga are examples of fathers who are powerful and extraordinary individuals in different aspects but they all connect as the best fathers they could ever have been to their children.

If each of these amazing heroes can rule countries, groom their children to be sports champs, be an unforgettable film star and still hold being with their children as priority, why can’t you do the same? Sigmund Freud was the father of psychoanalysis and one of 20th century’s most influential thinkers he said “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.”

Growing up without a father’s protection or raising a child without having a father’s protection to assist you, makes you feel truly handicapped.

The struggle to fill the void of not having a father around when a marriage fails is another struggle that many mothers face too and that is generally why they remarry. The absence of a father figure in a household is a scary feeling for children as they see their dads as heroes and without them there they feel like they have no one to save them in danger.

A child’s social stability and balanced view on life will be destroyed if there is no effort taken by a father to provide an assurance that no matter what happens dad is there waiting to rescue them.

The super powers of a super dad : a high five power that makes you feel like you can fly, can make children laugh a lot, they have strong shoulders to carry you on, they can scare anyone away by just saying, ‘I see you have a problem with my child?’, they can make watching the highlights of a cricket match seem like it’s a live match being played and the biggest power of all is the ability to forget children’s mistakes.

Daddy, dada, dad, thaththi, thaththa, appachchi, father we are so proud to be your children. We boast of the trials and victories you’ve been through as if we were there with you purely because we wish we were, our love for you surrounds our souls and it will never die.

Our love and belief in your powers are eternal.It’s actually so heartbreaking to have conversations with intelligent adults and then find them saying it was tough not having dad around, mum made us study extra hard so we will be able to take care of ourselves one day. Then, we won’t expect that we have to depend on our partners to stay with us to survive.

This is great I mean in this day and age where everything is constantly changing it’s great that we understand that we shouldn’t form attachments to things and friends but what mothers fail to realise is that a child’s spirit dies during this process. It’s possible to detach yourself from friends, a boyfriend or husband but how do you detach and accept that you can survive without your father? When the dream of being your families pride and joy perishes before your eyes what’s the purpose in being proud of developments you create as not being able to share your progress with family makes you feel like your regressing.

A family will never be a whole unit without the leadership of a mother figure and father figure it’s a partnership they are the glue that enforces “staying power”.

You don’t have to stay together in a marriage if your unhappy, but you must accept that the end of a marriage does not end your duty as a parent. You can still be a family and make your child feel like he or she is having a balanced childhood by fathering and mothering your child together as friends. A lot of people act like they can go without a father’s guidance or a father’s love but they can’t even as adults they look for that validation even if they are 40 years they would still want to hear “wow that’s great so proud of you”, from their fathers. When my parents went their separate ways I was so sad at first but then later on understood why they had to make that choice. What I don’t and never will understand is why I finish up a premiere of one of my movies and wait for my dad’s call to see what he thinks of my performance. I don’t seem to understand why I dress up and wait for my dad to say wow you look like a princess.

I’ve been absolutely blessed to have the most amazing mum, amazing friends and fans but I still look to my dad to feel like I matter.

When you feel your child is great don’t go around telling others about how you feel tell your child directly your thoughts and care towards your child because your child needs to hear it from you. For when your are not living, you don’t need to have X, Y or Z go up to your child and say, your father loved you very much.

Your child should know this already.When we pray to God we pray and call out to him by saying God my Lord, my father hear my heart, please take this pain away and we start pouring our hearts out looking for God to give us strength. God, Allah, Lord Buddha, Lord Krishna are male figures and we see them as our holy fathers and when we see our real fathers we respect them the same way.

God, Allah, Lord Buddha and Lord Krishna never abandoned us, so why do you ? Why do fathers let their children trouble Gods and ask them for strength when all children should be doing is giving thanks to Gods We were given parents to give us strength, we were given fathers to protect us, we were given mothers to be loved, we were given fathers to lift us when we fall and yet we pray asking for strength, love and protection.

Does this not make you feel that you are not doing your job as a father? If mother says no then ask dad! Now that should be a No! This situation has risen out of guilt as fathers don’t spend much time with children and when mum says no they feel they can get extra brownie points and make up for not being there by saying yes.

Do men accept being fooled in society? No. So why trick yourself in to thinking your contributing to raise your child correctly.

‘It’s easier for a father to have children than for children to have a father – Pope John XXII. Such a powerful statement! Fathers of today inspire sons to be fathers and look at single fathers and step fathers who are doing a phenomenal job in beings great dads with admiration.

Admiration is not a feminine trait, admiration is another form of respect.

To father children means to love. Love us the same way we love and value you. To have a child is a blessing, you are blessed. Being a father to a child gives you a chance to illuminate their lives so what are you waiting for? Illuminate their lives.

Happy Father’s Day

Source: www.sundayobserver.lk